It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
