I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
