I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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