The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
