Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
