also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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