It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
