I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You made out with two different species that night
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
