I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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