Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
