I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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