Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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