she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
