I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
it's like heaven, but drunker
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
