they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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