I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i love accidental penises.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
