Michael Bay diarrhea
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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