well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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