She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
