I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Oh god it's open bar.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
