Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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