do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
sarcasm needs its own font
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
