Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Drunk is not a location!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
