**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
