I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
