I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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