How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
