He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I need a beard to bite.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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