i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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