dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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