I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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