He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
