He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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