Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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