I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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