Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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