is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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