So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize