I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
