One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize