Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
