She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
What drink are we having for lunch?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
