So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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