i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Blood and glitter go together right?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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