you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
