I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
