Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
