How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
