glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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