apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
