i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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