Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
