Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
