I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
