someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize