Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
