ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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