fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
