I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
