I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
