The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
