I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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