wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
