I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
