we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
handjob tips. give me some.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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