i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
