i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
