i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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