you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
